A few months ago I witnessed – and to some extent contributed to – an epiphanical moment in a young person’s life. After a long period of strugle to fit in, to belong, and to progress within the educational system, this young person finally saw a light in the end of the narrow mainstream schoolling tunel. From the ever so dark position of a youngster disabled by the whole system, John (I am calling him John for the moment) envisaged for the first time what could be on the other side. He saw a glimpse of a future that was at his grasp, and that he could possibly fight for. I am not citing his words or his feelings in any way, because John is not equipped with the ability to discuss feelings, emotions and profound reflections. I am describing what I perceived in John’s reactions there and then, and afterwards. Afterwards. Oh the afterwards! That was when things became interesting.
After seeing that blink of light, John gradually came out of his solitary shell and allowed me to sit beside him to silently share the moment. I have no idea what was going on in John’s mind, but it was evident to me that day after day he was moving on, even if so slow that the movement could not be seen with the naked eye. It was necessary to have eyes equipped with vision, hope, belief and above all desire. A desire to see someone taking control of their own power to be.
This experience is developing day by day, and I am growing so much, learning so much, becoming so much. So I must share this. I must share what I am witnessing and what I am experiencing. But this will only make sense if I do that together with John.
This is where I am now. I am at a new place where I never been before, trying to uncover ways to make John engage with me, take control of a narrative about our experience together but moreover a narrative about his epiphany and its outcomes so far. This is a gritty terrain and I am standing here barefoot, trying to find pathways to a better place. John understands the importance of working on our “research project”, and he is clearly committed to it. However, the darkness of the past experiences, together with his own idiosyncrasies and some learned habits, compromise his ability to take the lead or even engage in a more active way.
I said I am standing here, but actually I should have said I am walking barefoot. Because this is what I am really doing. I am actively seeking ways to engage him and help him to take control of this to an extend that can legitimise my claim that we are doing something participatory. Ultimately, I hope this will also end up being emancipatory, but this is another story altogether.